The title of this post is labeled after a newly found syndrome (which I found and named myself but it is still qualified as a medical condition!) Shaking Baby Syndrome. It's a syndrome where one has the constant need to shake babies. From newborns to toddlers, the urge is present.
Below are some helpful tips to those who do not suffer from this horrendous, incurable syndrome.
Ways To Handle A Baby (with captions because I know how you can't interpret a simple picture without my comments)
Oh damn! I have been containing babies the wrong way this whole time. I guess I should go release all those infants I had caged into the wild...sigh...
Come on now, why can't you wake up a baby this way. Many drunk passed out college students had to wake up this way...so why not a baby. I ask, "Why not!!"
I am sorry but with the economy these days, who doesn't own a drawer baby. Cribs are expensive!
Well this one is obvious why you shouldn't but then again...I was gonna say...if it was a black baby then the eating chicken part is pretty plausible but that's racism and I do not condone such things.
I have dug gold in a baby's nose before...and you know what I got....I got nuggets of love! So, sure, follow the directions...cave in to "the man"...but if you want nuggets of love then I suggest you dig...YOU DIG DEEP...or until you feel brain matter.
I don't care what anyone says but if Aquaman didn't chill with his fish pets (could've been fish zombies...don't know what fish zombies are? Then click here: http://duckie2318.blogspot.com/2009/07/fetal-position-can-be-sex-position.html ) then he would have never known that he can speak to fish. So, if you want your baby to acquire or realize their super powers then I highly suggest that you place your baby in a tank. Fuck the below picture. How else would've Aquaman knew he was Aquaman if his parents didn't shove him in a tank.
My earliest childhood memory is bonding with my mother over coffee as she told me her stories but then again the coffee was really a bottle of alcohol and my mother was really a homeless man who took care of me when I was abandoned in the street gutter.
My earliest childhood memory is bonding with my mother over coffee as she told me her stories but then again the coffee was really a bottle of alcohol and my mother was really a homeless man who took care of me when I was abandoned in the street gutter.
This is me circa 1984.
Why can't you just clean a baby this way. It's fast, convienient and hands free. The baby in the picture looks happy...sort of.
Drying a load of towels? Why not throw your baby in as well with a fabric softener sheet. Your baby will come out smelling like Snuggles. Guarantee!
Want your baby to be in the Guiness Book Of World Records for the strongest baby? Then I highty suggest that you start having you baby bench press! It's the only way unless you want your baby to be a worthless, pathetic wimp!
Hey this is how you get rid of that pesky fear of heights! What baby doesn't like being thrown in the air? Exactly! They all do!
Hey! This is how Garry Kasparov became the greatest chess player! He learned when he was only 5 minutes old and he was check mating your mom at 10 minutes old.
Hey! This is how Garry Kasparov became the greatest chess player! He learned when he was only 5 minutes old and he was check mating your mom at 10 minutes old.
Oh! No wonder why all those heads fell off after picking up a baby this way! Mystery solved!
My dyslexia can really fuck with me. To me, the below picture is the right way. Damn this disorder!
My dyslexia can really fuck with me. To me, the below picture is the right way. Damn this disorder!
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