Weird Vintage Ads 2

TCIF!!! (Thank Cunts It's Friday)

It's Friday, Bitches!

You entered my weekly post labeled, "Weird Vintage Ads"

Now wipe the midget cum of your face and enjoy!

Please tell me why there are scary, creepy clowns stalking about while she is in her bra? It's like they are advertising, "Wear our bras and you will be raped by clowns!"

No Thanks! I pass!

Now, this is just old fashion racism! Why would they show advertise something like this! PS: If that syrup is that good...then I am definitely going to get some! Fo' sho! (Translates to: For Sure...for you crackers!)

LMAO! This is the 1956 Mattel Doll named Allan. He is Ken's "buddy". I don't know if you can see the writing but they seriously printed on the box: Allan He is Ken's "Buddy" (Note: I did not add the quotation marks. They added those to the actual box! LOL) They even printed on the box how Allan and Ken "swap clothes" LOL.

The box shows Ken behind Allan. With a very horny, excited grin. I knew Allan was a bottom! The outfit gave it away!

This sunlamp is so safe that you can even place a baby under it for hours!

This is actual German Radium filled chocolate. Radium Chocolate manufactured by Burk & Braun was sold in Germany from 1931 to 1936, advertised for its powers of rejuvenation. MMM why have regular chocolate when they can be filled with radium..Mmm

These kids are creepy! Why are they looking so mischievous look on their face with Zippo lighters behind them! I feel like they are planning to burn their parents in their bed as they sleep! It's like Children of the Corn but pyro style!

I never knew Santa liked his cigs so much! Hey Santa, do you like to smoke weed too? If so, for Christmas, let's blaze some hydro, bitch, and pass a 40 to keep warm. Ahh! Toasty!

Ask A Cunt 2

Welcome to the weekly post ASK A CUNT!

Enjoy bitches!

ASK A CUNT

Q: I love sex but don’t want to be considered a whore. Any solutions?

A: First of all, get that cock out of your mouth before speaking to me. Also, please refrain from touching me as I do not want to obtain any of your diseases. Instead of having sex with anything that has eyes (yeah, I know about that one night stand with that horse!) why don’t you invest in a dildo or be in a monogamous relationship, whore!

Q: I can’t get off when I have sex with my girlfriend. This is putting a strain on my relationship with her. My friends call me impotent and some even say that my penis is too small for her wide whole. I don’t know what to do anymore. I need your help, cunt!

A: Do you enjoy masturbating in your own feces? Do you put things on purpose inside your ass? If so, come out of the closet already, you fairy. Otherwise, maybe you don’t like fatties, you chubby chaser. Tell your girl to run on a treadmill for two weeks straight and I bet you member will stand attention, if you catch my drift.

Q: I can’t stand my bitchy girlfriend. All she does is bitch and moan. What can I do to curve her craziness?

A: Is her name Wendy, perhaps? Anyways, why don’t you powder your pimp hand and slap that bitch. She will respect you sooner that you think. If she fights back, then hide all her tampons. The bitch is ragging it. Get out of her WAY!!!

Weird Product 2

It's Wednesday, you fucks! Know what that means?

No its not time for your weekly rectal enema.

No its not "Shave Your Mom's Bush Day"

It's Weird Product Wednesday! I know you just creamed your panties. Now take a moment to wipe...

Now, tell me why, Superman has a gaping hole for his mouth unless comic gay nerds are planning to shove their kryptonite dicks inside his mouth.

I find it disturbing that not only does he look like a stuffed animal blow up doll but the box is labeled with the word Snuggles.

It teaches young boys that after you shove your peen in a mouth, you should snuggle with the cock blower afterwards so they don't feel used.

Grab your Superman Sex toy today! Lol

I am surprised a weirdo didn't go to Comic-con with one of these things attached to its shriveled, tiny penis.

Hmm...maybe I will do that next year! Wahoo!

PS: Doesn't that boy look too happy with that doll...hmm?

I Suffer From Shaking Baby Syndrome! I Have The Urge To Shake Babies!

The title of this post is labeled after a newly found syndrome (which I found and named myself but it is still qualified as a medical condition!) Shaking Baby Syndrome. It's a syndrome where one has the constant need to shake babies. From newborns to toddlers, the urge is present.


Below are some helpful tips to those who do not suffer from this horrendous, incurable syndrome.


Ways To Handle A Baby (with captions because I know how you can't interpret a simple picture without my comments)


Oh damn! I have been containing babies the wrong way this whole time. I guess I should go release all those infants I had caged into the wild...sigh...

Come on now, why can't you wake up a baby this way. Many drunk passed out college students had to wake up this way...so why not a baby. I ask, "Why not!!"

I am sorry but with the economy these days, who doesn't own a drawer baby. Cribs are expensive!

Well this one is obvious why you shouldn't but then again...I was gonna say...if it was a black baby then the eating chicken part is pretty plausible but that's racism and I do not condone such things.

I have dug gold in a baby's nose before...and you know what I got....I got nuggets of love! So, sure, follow the directions...cave in to "the man"...but if you want nuggets of love then I suggest you dig...YOU DIG DEEP...or until you feel brain matter.

I don't care what anyone says but if Aquaman didn't chill with his fish pets (could've been fish zombies...don't know what fish zombies are? Then click here: http://duckie2318.blogspot.com/2009/07/fetal-position-can-be-sex-position.html ) then he would have never known that he can speak to fish. So, if you want your baby to acquire or realize their super powers then I highly suggest that you place your baby in a tank. Fuck the below picture. How else would've Aquaman knew he was Aquaman if his parents didn't shove him in a tank.



My earliest childhood memory is bonding with my mother over coffee as she told me her stories but then again the coffee was really a bottle of alcohol and my mother was really a homeless man who took care of me when I was abandoned in the street gutter.

This is me circa 1984.




Why can't you just clean a baby this way. It's fast, convienient and hands free. The baby in the picture looks happy...sort of.

Drying a load of towels? Why not throw your baby in as well with a fabric softener sheet. Your baby will come out smelling like Snuggles. Guarantee!

Want your baby to be in the Guiness Book Of World Records for the strongest baby? Then I highty suggest that you start having you baby bench press! It's the only way unless you want your baby to be a worthless, pathetic wimp!

Hey this is how you get rid of that pesky fear of heights! What baby doesn't like being thrown in the air? Exactly! They all do!




Hey! This is how Garry Kasparov became the greatest chess player! He learned when he was only 5 minutes old and he was check mating your mom at 10 minutes old.

Oh! No wonder why all those heads fell off after picking up a baby this way! Mystery solved!

My dyslexia can really fuck with me. To me, the below picture is the right way. Damn this disorder!

This Week's WTF Is That Shit?! Picture 2

It's Tuesday! Know what that means? You fucking assmonkey, really, you don't'?

Sigh...

It's WTF Is That Shit?! Picture day!

This week's picture is obvious.

Obviously, it is a giant creature that bred between your ass cheeks.

Its the incredible ass cheek monster!

Look at it and all its glory!

Okay, it's either that or huge ass fish but either or it's still cooler than you!

How To Kill Yourself In A Fun Way 2

Another week, another cunty day.

Welcome to this week's How To Kill Yourself In a Fun Way.

The picture itself is pretty explanatory but for the illerate retards, I have written the steps below:

Step 1: Find comfortable shoes. They can be boots, tennis shoes, orthopedic shoes, etc

Step 2: Locate a sharp object that you can plunge into your comfy shoes. (An Iron spike is preferred but you can use anything sharp and pointy)

Step 3; Drive the sharp object into the tops of your shoes (Refer to picture if you have any questions)

Step 4: Wait and Bleed (You can also hum Slipknot's awesome song "Wait and Bleed" as you...wait and bleed..duh!)

Stay tune next week for more fun ways to kill yourself!

That So Nutsy!

For years I have been plagued by the existence of one particular being that continues to haunt me on a weekly basis.

This being is one that has many disguises. He appears cute and innocent but if you dwell in its presence for too long then your soul will be devoured between its vicious teeth.

I present to you a picture of this creature who was created in Hades.

Yes. Isn't he morbidly evil! Try to look into its eyes or you will be mesmerized by his black magic abilities.

Nutsy has been harassing me for years now. Each time I attempt to capture him, he hides in such clever fashions.

I believe he has multiple ties with different mobs and is a professional assassin.

If you see this devil creature, please kill on site or he will kill you.

He answers by the name Nutsy.

I have been trying to kill him using this handy object:

But unfortunately he is a skilled rodent with many stealth-like abilities.

Nutsy is driving me nuts and if he remains alive, he will torment the minds of small children and rape pregnant women.

Please, I urge you, Nutsy must die!

HomeGrown Comics

Welcome back to The Cunt Says!

Please enjoy my weekly Homegrown comic. That's right. It's not only weekly but specially made by the biggest cunt you know. No not your mom. ME!!

Enjoy! (If you can't view the comic or if it is illegible to read, click on the picture. It will bring you to a link that is of better quality)

Weird Vintage Ads

Welcome to another cunty edition of The Cunt Says!

People were creepy back in the day, I mean, hello ,they did use turkey basters filled with vinegar as a douche. (The fact may not be a fact but a fabrication I conjured up to be funny. Despite my lies, people were creepy back in the day!!)

Well, I came across some weird vintage ads.

I decided I will share these ads weekly with my cunty readers.

Like look at this ad below. LOL

Now why is this little boy so afraid that his father is drinking coffee.
Its almost as if his dad makes his coffee Irish, if you know what I mean, and then goes on a fist-punching-son-in-the-face rampage.

Haha! The fact that he has a pillow on his ass is probably a result from all the incestrous anal raping.




I don't even know if a caption is even necessary for the below picture. LOL




I never seen a cow so happy to get slaughtered. Look! He even has a bib so he can eat himself as well. Its a higher breed of cannibalism. MMM.


So apparently back in the day, children not only snuggled with their favorite doll/stuffed animal but they also nestled with a handgun. They advertise how the gun is so safe that even a small girl can play with it. The bitch looks like she wants to kill. I wouldn't trust her! (I am referring to the doll...creepy!)


Here is another cannibal to the animal kingdom. I wonder what all the foreign shit says. I imagine something to the effect of: Try out meat. Our meat is so good that our own animals will kill themselves because we all strive for the freshest of meats!


Oh fuck! Really! Is it always illegal? I have been going on mass murdering sprees where I was killing anything with a fallopian tube for years and now you tell me it could be illegal! Fuck!

Ask A Cunt

Guess what today is! Besides it being Friday, you fucking cumdumpster.

It's my weekly post called Ask A Cunt!!!

ASK A CUNT

Q: Any advice on how to become more sociable and outgoing?

A: Just the fact in itself that you are asking me proves to me that you are a loser. Now, if you happen to live in an underground cave while you play piano in candlelight as you mask your deformed face, then my advice to you is that you should use your abnormalities to scare small children
and young women. If this does not apply to you, then why don't you stop being a pussy and say hello to people, you antisocial loser!

Q: My girlfriend wants to buy candy thongs. They look like Fruit roll
ups but for your vag. I'm scared to try it. How can I tell her that
candied cooch does not turn me on?

A: Wow. What's your girlfriend's number because obviously you
can't handle her! Scared to tastes a fruit roll up that is shaped as a
thong, wow, what a fucking prude. What you should do is take a tootsie
roll and shove it deep in your ass. Shit it out. Take a bite. Now if you
were able to do that (which I'm sure you do nightly) then having your
girl sport some candy should be no problem. If you still feel you
cant' go through it, then break up with her and become a nun, you
fag!

Q: Why are you such a cunt?

A: Why are you such a fucking idiot. I'm a cunt because I live in a
world full of retards that have no lives., you dumb fuck!

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